THE PRICE OF MY OWN PRIDE

For the past 2 weeks i have been angry with my dad because of his slight mistake that he himself don't even know. I sent a message to him and this is how the text sounded like, "U have no idea how furiously dissapointed i am when u told antimah that i have to repeat 1 paper this semester...its humiliating enough for me to walk around my department and smile but to have you telling her that i have to do it all over again?? do you think i enjoy it? no, but i do it because i messed up and im fixing it...well, guess thats not good enough for you that you had to tell other people about it...i didnt even tell mama that i had to repeat the subject because im embarassed..imagine how'd she feel when someone else and that person is not me?? I realised that you are not happy either bout me repeating the subject, but this is not how i'd expect you to react to it...tell me if it makes you feel unhappy, dont tell her...im the one who have to go thru it, not her, not you...me!!!" well people, i can tell that u must be judging me right about now, most of you will have the impression that im a rude daughter to have sent that kind of message to my own father...and im not saying that you are wrong...i am rude!! and not just that, i punished my dad by not talking to him for 2 weeks i guess...during my angry days, i alienate my dad in his own home...when he sits in the living room, i ran upstairs and slammed the door...when he sits at the dining table, i ran for the tv...and things like that...in simple palin words, i cannot be in the same room with my dad...almost 2 weeks have passed by and i have decided to end my agony by volunteering to say the word "SORRY" myself without having anyone pestering me to do so...i find it weird in a way because, normally when i find myself having a fight with someone, i always told myself that i will never say sorry no matter what happens...i will never downgrade myself by saying sorry..yes, that is how humiliated i feel when i have to surrender to the fight...all my life, you can count with the fingers that you are born with how many times i have said the word "sorry" with my own free will...and when i have expressed my apology to my dad, he gave me a long talk about my pride...he said that if i kept having this attitude, i will never go far in any relationship, even with my own spouse..and of course it got me thinking...it wont kill to hurt my pride, it wont kill to say sorry first...what was i trying to prove to my own father when i have decided to alienate him in his own home??? what did i get in return after i have won the battle?? i get nothing actually...maybe i got my father's dissapointment but it doesnt prove anything to anyone...i have never realised that this is the price i have to pay to keep my my pride up sky high...and i have sworn to myself that i will never have a partner until i do something with my ego...