love letters of great man; a compilation

I was just bored the other day, so what I did was browsing through the world wide web and search for love letters of great man...I have read some of it and to my surprise, I was in tears for some of it. Thinking that does this great man are still in existence?? There goes my fairytale, hoping that one "true" day a great man will send me a great love letter...this is as far as it goes for me..reading them and crying over them because such man and love letters are not in existence in the 21st century...so there are a few that I just adore soo much....



1.from SIR WINSTON CHURCHILL to his dearest wife
January 23, 1935

My darling Clemmie,

In your letter from Madras you wrote some words very dear to me, about my having enriched your life. I cannot tell you what pleasure this gave me, because I always feel so overwhelmingly in your debt, if there can be accounts in love.... What it has been to me to live all these years in your heart and companionship no phrases can convey.

Time passes swiftly, but is it not joyous to see how great and growing is the treasure we have gathered together, amid the storms and stresses of so many eventful and to millions tragic and terrible
years?

Your loving husband

(Winston Churchill)


2.DUFF COOPER
August 20, 1918

Darling, my darling. One line in haste to tell you that I love you more today than ever in my life before, that I never see beauty without thinking of you or scent happiness without thinking of you. You have fulfilled all my ambition, realized all my hopes, made all my dreams come true.

You have set a crown of roses on my youth and fortified me against the disaster of our days. Your courageous gaiety has inspired me with joy. Your tender faithfulness has been a rock of security and comfort. I have felt for you all kinds of love at once.

I have asked much of you and you have never failed me. You have intensified all colours, heightened all beauty, deepened all delight. I love you more than life, my beauty, my wonder.

Duff Cooper, English politician, to Diana, his future wife.


**anyhoo, Im keeping my fingers crossed so that one fine day will turn into a magical one when finally a great man would send me his own version of a great love letter.

COME ON GIRLS, LETS GET ON A PENIS EMBARGO STRIKE!!!!

This is dedicated to all girls out there who have been hurt by the living being who possesses this little thing, scientists call penis but we girls prefer to call them DICK!!! What is it about guys that make us lost our senses??? I am beyond furious when I heard that any of my girlfriends being hurt by their useless boyfriend or by the person whom they had a crush on...to rephrase it, I hate it when my girlfriends are being hurt by guys...it’s bad enough that we are the ones who always get our emotions attached once we commit ourselves into a relationship, but to treat us like trash for some absurd reasons?? As I recall, when God made man and women, the only difference is their genitalia and of course, the reproductive systems. That’s all! Nobody mention anything about guys not getting any heart or getting 1/10 of the portion of that of the females?? Ironically, how I wish that could be true...so that there’s finally a reason why guys seem more cold ‘heart’ed (still, there’s a heart there) than women do. This is the normal case scenario; first, a guy told you that you are his world, his heart and everything that you could ever imagine. He also mentioned that his heart is only yours and yours alone. What would you think happen next?? Of course we girls go all...”awwwwwwww, you are the most sweetest boyfriend a girl could ever ask for” or something like that...later that night, we went to bed having the thought that we had the world’s most romantic boyfriend, we feel like we are flying sky high...isn’t that nice??? Little did we realise that he only promises us his heart, thats all...yes girls!!! Your sweet-for-nothing boyfriend promise you only his heart...that is why, he can easily gave his penis away to anyone he likes...because he didn’t say that his penis was yours and yours alone (after getting married, that is I’m talking about). And soon after we get that information, don’t you think it’s a little too late?? By then, he already had given his dick to some girl that he promises to you never gonna happen. Funny, how that turn out. Tell me girls, don’t you feel stupid every time this happens to you?? Forget about being sad and angry, it comes in the package. But how many times are you willing to go through it?? Guy gets off the hook easily, simply because they are heartless...or at times you might feel that something is going to happen between you and this guy, because the both of you spent a lot of time together and he treated you in way that makes you feel that he might be into you too. But soon after that, he posted pictures of him with some other girl on his FACEBOOK. Let me describe to you does it feel like looking at those pictures; you felt like you are the single most stupidest living being who roams this earth, you felt like deleting all his messages and also his phone number (which then, you managed to do), you wish that there is something that can actually erase all the memories that you have spent with him off your tiny little brain, you felt like turning back time and choose not to spend time with this jerk!!! Angry?? Well, I have news for you, that is just the beginning...girls, you know what usually happens next...I am just going to leave it there. For all the things that I have mentioned earlier, that is why I am still practising celibacy, keeping it for the one person. Most people nowadays, choose to ignore celibacy simply because that is what others do and they don’t want to feel left out. That is where we girls went wrong, and they will feel even more stupid once their relationship is over because they already had given away their “crown”. So, to sum it all up, guys are jerk and heartless. That is why I am calling all girls to come on board on my “PENIS EMBARGO” strike...

WHAT IS PAIN TO GLORY?

Have you ever wondered, what does the real world have in store for you?? Have you ever felt like your entire existence, you have never been lucky? Not even once? And you might also wonder why do all the detrimental events kept crashing on your shoulders? Have they got no other better shoulders to land on? Whatever happens to all other gazillion human beings? Would I be strong enough to enter the real world, where truth be told that it is beyond ugly, cruel is just a misnomer to describe the real world? And to sum up, I am not even prepared to set foot into the real world...yikes!!!
These few days my mind was disturbed with these kinds of questions and very unfortunately, I had an emotional break down last night. I used to feel that for 22 years I have been living, not once I have been lucky...”lucky” has never been a friend of mine ever since I was born. I felt that some of my friends are born lucky; they have the look, the beauty, the brain, and the everything-you-can-ever-think-of kinda things. You see, that is where I was wrong, according to my guardian angel; MALIN, she kinda tell me that I only view life from one single frame, whereas there are many other ways a person can view life. While it is indeed true for me that my life so far has been nothing but exhausting and tiring, I must also see why “someone” wants me to go through all the trouble. I once told MALIN that I almost gave up on life. But then it struck me that the trouble that I am going through is just a tiny portion of what other people have to go through. She asks me to build up my threshold for life and its challenges.
If you think of it, God has so many things to offer to you in life. That is the reason for all the questions that you and myself sometimes ask just when you think that life has gone hideous for you and also just when you think that God turn His back on you. God never turn His back on anyone. He is always there for you. And also, if you think that all bad things came crashing on your helpless shoulders because you were born unlucky, think again people...the very reason He did that was because God loves you. For every drop of tears that you shed off your cheeks, He promises you bliss and happiness. That is why people used to say that things happen for a very good reason. They don’t just happen...
You are in a pickle for a good reason. Don’t ask “why me?” you can say, “thank you for choosing me” He loves you, He wants you to learn something from that situation. What is bliss and happiness without the pain?? It would be meaningless for you to take on the pleasures in life without having to go through some form of hardship. The threshold that you have built along the way makes you a better and stronger person. The pain is actually the sweetener for your future life. Because, what is glory without pain?

TEARS OF A WOMAN

One day, a daughter asked her mother as to why she is crying, “Mommy, why are you crying?” then the mother answered her, “because I am a women my dear.” “But I don’t understand?” asked the daughter again in puzzle. The mother smiled and hugged her daughter tightly while saying’ “my dear, you will never understand...”
Then the curious daughter seeks her father and asked her father the same question she asked her mother before, “daddy, why is mommy in tears?”And the father replied in his most nonchalant tone, “your mother is crying for no obvious reasons and just so you know, women always cry for no reason.”
The daughter grew up to be a fine teenager and she is still puzzled by the question, ‘why women cry?’ Until one night, she dream and asked God, “dear God, why do women cry easily?” And in that dream, she feels that she can almost hear the answer:
“The moment I created women, I make them to be the most vital. I mould her shoulder so that she can bear the burden of the world and its substance, even so, her shoulder should be relaxed and snug-able to rest a baby’s head while sleeping. I gave women the strength to give birth to her child from her womb, even though she is constantly being scoffed at by the child once this child grows up. I also gave her the force to keep her holding and on when everyone else have given up hope. I gave her the patience to treat her family even though she is exhausted, in pain and lethargic without any complaints. I gave her the heart to love all of her children in any form and situation, even though that child is constantly breaking her heart. The heart I presented gave her children the warmth to snuggle and sleep tightly in their bed. Her touch gave her children a serene feeling when they are being hugged by their mother. I grant her the strength and courage to guide her husband through the hard times and to shield her husband. Because it is the rib cage that guarded the heart and liver from any damages so that it won’t be torn. I bestow her with wits and the capacity to give her husband the meaning and making him see that a good husband is one who never makes his wife shed even a single drop of tear. Although at times, her wits will be put to the test of honesty to the husband so that they can stand tall with each other side by side, to complement each other and to cherish one another. And lastly, I dedicate tears to women so that they can express their feelings. This is what makes women unique; they can use it anytime they want. This is not their weakness, simply because the tears is what I call ‘tears of life’”.

WHERE DO ALL THE WILD ROSES GROW?

They say that all good things are extremely hard to find, but it is actually right under your nose. But time now changes a lot of things. I’m still talking metaphorically, you can just see that people now opt to choose the flowers that are ridiculously easy to find at the sidewalk stalls. Some people even choose to buy plastic flowers for their loved ones. When some might think that it is an issue, people like this consider this to be convenient considering the fact that they have been working their ass off to earn money that they couldn’t find the time to actually look for unique and rare gifts. I’m not saying that the gift had to be something that is expensive. Some good “things” come in simple packages. But still, you don’t need to have a God given sight to see this “gifts”; you just have to know how to open up your heart to the simple things that God had sent you. If you could only see them, you will thank God in many ways because every little and simple things in life are the ones that can really take your breath away. That is when I started to learn to appreciate the simple things in life, because they are everywhere around me but as humans, we tend to overlook. While I have started to appreciate the things that most people fail to see, it kept me wondering when men are going to start appreciating girls that don’t have obvious beauty. Who brought this trend of seeking for obvious beauty up? If you come to think of it, whatever will happen to people who don’t have obvious beauty and who won’t get lucky? Guys kept questioning when and where are they going to find noble and understanding girls? If they could just open up their mind, heart and eyes to see that the “things” that they didn’t expect to exist in this world at this time of the century are actually around them. Yes guys!! Go on and wonder where do all the wild roses grow? I will have you know that the wild roses are everywhere. Sure, by the sound of it, you might not expect that they will be as pretty and gorgeous as the ones that you find at the florist, but they are one of a kind, without obvious beauties. You need to learn to appreciate them for you to love them. If you think of it, wild roses are not well-kept because they are wild (they grow everywhere) of course! But they can still survive the world and still look like a rose even though they are not well kept in the florist. That’s why guys can ponder only for so long where to find the wild rose that they have been looking for ever since the moment they hear the word ‘love’. This is how you can look for a wild rose; First, you have to learn that love is to appreciate what we already have and not to appreciate the things that we are not even sure will come into our possession. Second is to try and see with your heart. And soon after you have come into the possession of a “wild rose”, you will not once forsake it because if you do, you will be held remorse for the rest of your existence. We are everywhere around you, keeping you company, lending a hand if you needed help, giving you a shoulder to cry on, support you when your back is against the world, listening and laughing with you when that is all you wanted to do. This is who we are!!! These are the lives of a wild rose...don’t ponder where we are, you just have to know how see us...we are all around you and we are not going anywhere.

CAN YOU "SEE" ME??

what is it that i have to do for you to "see" me??? every time i did something, i tell myself never mind that he never notice me...but then, how far can i keep on lying to myself?? i did felt like everything i did for you, at times just to gt you to notice me..but that is not gonna happen...not here, not now...just NEVER...im not blaming you, maybe that is how people sees me...especially guys...they only see me as a friend...someone who you turn to when you have problems and when you felt that your back is against the world...and as a friend, i swore to myself that everyone who came to me when they needed something, i will go all out just to make sure that my friend is feeling a lot better than before they come to me. At times, when you have had a feeling for this friend, of course you would hope for the world that this person would notice you, everytime you did something for him. sadly, in order to be noticed, you have to be seriously gorgeous and hott apparently...if not, you can keep on hoping, that is if you have the strength to still continue to hope for something that rarely happens. I have lost all hopes in the world to go on hoping because I just feel like life is never fair for me or for some people...

the heart does things that reasons cannot understand

the all i hate about boys...~

I hate how some men are so immature.
It's all about them, and who cares what anyone else thinks?

I hate how they act all sweet, and cute, until god forbid you say "no" then they annoy and anger you by acting stupid about it!!!

I hate when you text a boy you like or an ex and then immediatly regret it. I hate it when boys don't text you back, and you get desperate and do the dreaded 'double text' - whereby you send another text because you havn't had a reply. There is no possible way to make the 'double text' look cool...

i hate how you got me wrapped around your finger but i won't admit it.
i hate how it wasn't suppose to be like this, that you were only suppose to be just "someone"i hate how i've fallen for you.
i hate how i'm looking at every little detail that you do.which will make me really happy or really sad.
i hate how i cant read your mind.do you like me or not?

I hate All Men by ~chocolatefreak

I hate all men
They first convince you that they love only you
You are first and foremost in their hearts of stone
But then you find outThey are petty and sex driven
They only care about their egos and if you love them only
They don’t care what it takes as long as they get off in the end
They want it and they want it now
They want nothing but simplicity and happiness
Creamy white skin and fiery red hairLovely green eyes and freckles to match
And in the end they will leave you to get it
I hate men I hate men
They seem to like you well enough
They are nice and loving when everyone else is cold
They get what they wantWherever they are
Then they leave you once more
And don’t think of you for another three months
Then you find out “oh ya he is engaged as of 2 months ago”
Not even a goodbye or a by the way.
I hate men I hate men
They seem sweetInnocent and without care
They will just love you And not demand anything in return
Then it changes
They come up with guilt trips and demand more and more
Soon lies and loses build up
Till you give way and give up
And somehow feel like you’re the one in the wrongI hate menI hate men
Your first kiss should be sweet
Not an accident to have someone say oops and laugh in you face about
Pizza and Led Zeppelin that I will never be able to listen to again
I hate menI hate men
The looser that made you believe in your self
Only to crush you back down later
The one you thought would always be there
Only to find he was gone
The one you thought you could always to depend on to be true
Ended up to be the worst of all
And the first that started the whole mess
And ruined a great song forever
I hate all men

I FEAR...

I feared being alone until I learned to like myself...:
I feared failure until I realized that I only fail when I don't try.
I feared success until I realized that I had to tryin order to be happy with myself.
I feared people's opinions until I learned that people would have opinions about me anyway.
I feared rejection until I learned to have faith in myself.
I feared pain until I learned that it's necessary for growth.
I feared the truth until I saw the ugliness in lies.
I feared life until I experienced its beauty.
I feared death until I realized that it's not an end, but a beginning.
I feared my destiny,until I realized thatI had the power to changemy life.
I feared hate until I saw that it was nothing more than ignorance.
I feared love until it touched my heart,making the darkness fade into endless sunny days.
I feared ridicule until I learned how to laugh at myself.
I feared growing old until I realized that I gained wisdom every day.
I feared the future until I realized that life just kept getting better.
I feared the past until I realized that it could no longer hurt me.
I feared the dark until I saw the beauty of the starlight.
I feared the light until I learned that the truth would give me strength.
I feared change,until I saw that even the most beautiful butterfly had to undergo a metamorphosis before it could fly.

TRUST GOD WITH YOUR DEEPEST LONGING

m0st pe0ple carry a dream.perhaps y0u've been carrying f0r s0o l0ng that y0u've l0st all h0pes 0f it ever c0ming t0 pass. the 0ne wh0 called y0u t0 thew0rld is the same 0ne wh0 l0ves y0u and pr0mises y0u an abundant life. maybe y0u've hesitated t0 tell any0ne, including G0dwhat y0u l0nged f0r.maybe y0u're t0o sad 0r t0o embarrassed 0r afraid. trusting Him with y0u 0wn dreams is 0ne way t0 delight Him; He w0nt let y0u d0wn; and as y0u see what y0u can d0, y0ur h0pe will revive.

WHAT IF THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS TRUE LOVE???

*this is actually a line i picked out from a movie (i just can't seem to remember which one)...i just find it very genuine and beautiful

we all have bee in l0ve
but we never kn0w if its true l0ve until it's 0ver
s0, what if theres n0 1 or 2 or 3 or 4 or 5
what if theres n0 such thing as true l0ve???
we are just afraid t0 admitt it
s0, we keep 0n dressing up
we keep 0n being s0mething that we're n0t
l0sing 0urself is s0mething that we h0pe
is better that what we think we are.

NOTHING IS AS IT SEEMS

Like every0ne else, i'm passing thr0ugh life as carefully as i can, watching my steps as i g0. However, there are times when we f0rget that n0t everything is as it seems t0 be. You see y0ur b0yfriend 0r girlfriend every 0ther day. You watch y0ur y0unger siblings play and s0metimes y0u j0in them. And as usual, y0u hear elders nagging y0u. Strange as it may s0und, there will be time when y0u will c0me t0 wish y0u c0uld hear it all 0ver again, watch the kids play s0mem0re 0r even listen t0 th0se sweet n0things fr0m y0ur l0ver. But theres n0 turning back t0 time. I have l0st my dear 0nes al0ng the way. The realisati0n that they w0uld n0t be ar0und f0r my birthday 0r when I g0t my real driving license 0r even t0 pr0udly see me graduate is painful t0 accept. I have seen cl0se friends walk in and 0ut 0f my life, leaving a wh0le mark in my heart. i have learnt that everything is n0t as it seems t0 be.
0n the surface, everything maybe perfect but y0u never quite grasp h0w perfect it is until y0u get t0 the nitty gritty 0f the situati0n. Breaking up, making upand then breaking up again. I had a bestfriend, but as time went by, s0 did my best friend, he & she f0und s0me0ne better. I never realised that I was n0t g0od en0ugh. Nothing is ever what it seems t0 be. With every passing day, I tell myself that i have t0 let pe0ple i care f0r and l0ve kn0w h0w i feel ab0ut them. Be it my br0ther, m0ther, sister, father 0r my friends. Letting them kn0w that they are l0ved is imp0rtant. and yet there are times when I have failed t0 d0 s0and the regret is s0o great. Never assume that th0se wh0 are dear t0 y0u kn0w that y0u l0ve them. S0metimes, a little reminder can make a huge difference in 0ne's life. It 0nly takes a c0uple 0f minutes t0 express y0ur feelings but it will carry y0ur l0ved 0nes a mile thr0ugh life. We hear this s0 0ften but trust me, y0u may never kn0w if there is a t0m0rr0w f0r this pers0n and sh0uld y0u miss the 0ppurtunity, the regret is s0o great.
What w0uld be better; t0 say th0se simple w0rds that brings great meaning 0t t0 h0ld 0nt0 w0rds and regret it f0r a lifetime. Regret never brings any benefit- 0nly pain and s0rr0w. So, why wait when y0u can say it n0w? why p0stp0ne till t0m0rr0w? What can y0u 0u d0 t0day? Why wait when y0u kn0w that time waits f0r n0 man?? Why wait at all?

BEAUTY OF A WOMAN

The beauty of a woman:
Is not in the clothes she wears,the figure that she carries,
or the way she combs her hair,
or the style she does make up.
The beauty of a woman:
must be seen in her Hijab,
and hereyes,because that is the doorway to herheart,
the place where love resides.
The beauty of a woman:
is not in a facial mole,
but true beauty in a woman,
is reflected in her soul.
The beauty of woman is in her modesty.
And the real glamour of her is herhonesty.
It is the caring that she lovinglygives,
the passion that she shows.
And the beauty of a woman,
with passing years - only grows!

MY SIS @ NONGKOI IS COMING BACK...YEAY!!!!~

me cant wait...weeeeeeeeeeeeeee~
my sister will be coming back home from indonesia on the 24th of july...and the "cherry on top of the ice cream" is that she will buy me a bottle of perfume!!! me soooooooooooooooo happy....
i have missed her soooo much..i missed her babbling, her......and everything...i just missed my sister...thats all!!! nongkoii...i miss you!!

CURSE THE GOD DAMN H1N1!!!!

hye...i am still pissed off by the fact that the taaruf week for this july is being shortened up to two and a half days only...and initially, it was for 4 days...how pampered these people want the new students to be???i still remember back then, my orientation week was for 7 days and as far as students' health are concerned, i am still living, i am still putting on weight, and apparently i am now typing for my blog!!! i really have no idea what is the agenda behind this whole mess but my gut is telling me that it is not good for the future. Owh well...its their decision, they are the ones who are going to live with it for the rest of their entire life....screw you guys!!! and the best part is, the reason behind the shortening of the duration is that it is as a precaution for the swine flu that has the whole world jolt up...like hello~ if the administration are saying that the scourge will only attack people just during the night...my translation would be, the admin people are even more stupid than they appeared to be...an endemic will always be an endemic regardless of the timing!! people can still be attacked during the hot scorching aftrenoon or even early in the morning....i dont see the need of the medical checkupS that everyone have been organizing if the duration of the taaruf week is still going to be cut to less than 3 days...as for international students, they have to go thru 2 levels of medical checkups; that is the moment they arrived here in malaysian airport and here in Gombak...as far as i am concerned and my searching, the results did came out and they were all clean!!! arrghhhh~
i was and still am really upset with the decisions being made without our prior notice...i get that they are our superiors but cant they just consider the fact that we are the ones who have handled the programs for a few semesters now and we are the ones who are with experience here!!! the way the treated us, i feel like we are just the people who only execute the "donkey jobs" and they are the ones who will get all the credits out of all our sweats and exhaustion....YES!!! WE ARE THE UNSUNG HEROES...let them get all the credits that they want and apparently "deserve"....and i have heard that other universities have already executed their orientation week and i heard nothing about cancellation of slots or shortening of durations???? again, "conspiracy theory" over there...and also, i kinda pitty the new student committees who just join the program for the first time...i know that they expected more the moment the received the news that they are one of the student committee, but hey!!~ the power is not in my hands to make any form of decisions...i am just the donkey who has been asked to do all the dirty and exhausting job...a plague will always be a plague regardless of the time, place and circumstances...all of this is just because of the swine flu or in other words known as the H1N1 virus...curse the swine flu!!

PERKENALAN KU DENGAN ASMARANI YANG COMEL

first time neh tulis blog in bahase melayu aka bahase ibunda...hehe adelah sket2 rase kekok tapi...redah jek, janji korang bole bace...name yg tertera di atas adelah mmbr ku yg baru ku knl time ta'aruf april lepas...sebenarnye dah lame tau kewujudan dak si AS neh...tp yela kan...org dok ckop kite neh sombong...x penah nak tegur dier sbb lokasi biro ktorg sume jauh2, di 2 ceruk yg bertentangan...make x penahla nak ade effort (english??) untk tegor dak si As neh...sampailah April lepas mase Ta'aruf, time tu mmbr ku sumenye dah jadik pelajar yg berkerjaye...yola kan, sume tgh parctical...kire dh keje la tuh...aku plak namau wat practical sbb aku merasekan diriku begitu berharge (slogan Loreal la plak nk enterprem) utk bekerja dan melakukan kerja2 cacai (besar la giler ego aku)...ok2 berbalik pd citer dak si AS neh...mase tuh kitorg pgla kursus induction (mind your english) kat melaka...tempat tuh mmg la best sbb that is actually my 3rd trip there (hoii, gune bahase ibunda lerr)...tp disebabkan aku sorg la yg tggl tanpe kerjaye, make daku keseorangan la di melaka...oleh sbb yg demikian, Kem Lambaian Danau tu umpama nerake la bg ku...walaupon hanye utk 3 hari sahaje...jangan xtau, mase kat melake tuh, dunia telah menyaksikan Raisa x makan utk 2 hari berturut2...aku plak dgn diva nyer bagi la alasan bongok, ckp aku x selera tgk sinki tmpt bdak2 neh cuci pinggan diorng lepas makan...which is true la..(ehemm...english nampak), bg aku la, agak ewwwwwww la tempat pinggan kami dicuci...kembang tekak aku bila tgk...tp mase mlm yg ke-2 tuh, si AS neh la yg berjaye memujuk aku makan....itu pon aku makan the leftovers from the tea break (apsal berlagak sangat gune english neh weii??) tp aku makan laaa....mase tuh la aku pon ter-rapet dgn dak si AS neh...dgn secare tak langsung nyer...walaupon xde la lame sgt ktorg start rapet, tp stakat neh aku x penah la tgk AS marah...bukan la aku mintak, tp my whole point is that you can tell that she is a very soft-hearted person (penat la aku weii nak suh gune BM), walaupon die neh dh di"tekan2" dgn tekanan dr sana sini...so far, kalo die tensen sgt, die cume akan nanges jek...aku kalo nampak AS mengamok, mau aku pengsan di tempat kejadian....sape plak nak angkat aku yg mmg la "seringan2" alam neh??? aku plak skang neh dah xleh nak pk sangat nak tulis ape lagi sbb kat opis dak si AS neh sangat la sejuk...sejuk nyer melepasi lelemak aku yg agak la tebal neh...rasenyer dah la tu kot aku tulis pasal dak ASMARANI neh...kang kalo aku tulis banyak2 plak, org ckp aku ni suka kat kaum sejenis...sebenarnye aku x leh cmtuh, cume aku mmg benci ngn kaum2 ADAM neh...aku rase dorg neh mmg suke menyakitkan hati kaum2 HAWA...pastuh ckp yg kitorg nehsuke gune air mate...hampeh tol...okla, sebelom aku emo dgn melampaunyer...babai~

GROWING UP IS A RESPONSIBILITY

As we grow older, we will find ourselves handling soooo many responsibilities. It gets worst when we have doubt in ourself. I, at this point of time have soo many things to handle on my two shoulders and I find that its not an easy thing to do. I just realised that I am an inch close to quit my responsibilities but then i asked myself a few questions like, "why God put me in such tenseful situation?", "does He have any idea how old am I and what kind of situation He puts me in?", "why He puts me in this kind of situation when He knows I am not the right person for it?" and the list of question is exhaustive. Then I remebered someone told me that "God will never put you in a situation where He thinks you can't handle, He puts you there because He knows you can make it through." If God Himself have faith in us, why can't we have faith in ourselves???? It kept me thinking that God put me in this situation for a reason and its my job to find it. Just for now, I think God wants me to learn to handle responsibilities, He also wants me to grow up and take charge of myself. After having some deep thoughts I rebarted to my reason of almost quitting . Reasons of me having soo any things to do other than this one, because of this lesson, my studies are deteriorating. My reasons was, I am not the only one who hae problems , I am no the only one given 24 hours a day, I am not the only one who needs to plan and organize my studies. How come other people can hold on to for years? Why can't I make it through? Why must I stop even if I am not half way through? I really do want to commit myself to this whole thing...so help me God

SHE'S GONE...

You can shed tears that she is gone,
or you can smile because she has lived.

You can close your eyes and pray that she’ll come back,
or you can open your eyes and see all she’s left.

Your heart can be empty because you can’t see her,
or you can be full of the love you shared.

You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday

You can remember her and only that she’s gone,
or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.

You can cry and close your mind,be empty and turn your back,
or you can do what she’d want:smile, open your eyes, love and go on.

*from an anonymous author

APPRECIATING OUR PAST

It is easy to be negative about past mistakes and unhappiness. But it is much more healing to look at ourselves and our past in the light of experience, acceptance, and growth.
Our past is a series of lessons that advance us to higher levels of living and loving. The relationships we entered, stayed in, or ended taught us necessary lessons.
Some of us have emerged from the most painful circumstances with strong insights about who we are and what we want. Our mistakes? Necessary. Our frustrations, failures, and sometimes stumbling attempts at growth and progress? Necessary too. Each step of the way, we learned. We went through exactly the experiences we need to, to become who we are today. Each step of the way, we progressed. Is our past a mistake? No. The only mistake we can make is mistaking that for the truth.
Today, God, help me let go of negative thoughts I may be harboring about my past circumstances or relationships. I can accept, with gratitude, all that has brought me to today.

PLEASE PINCH ME AND TELL ME THAT THIS IS ALL JUST A DREAM

Like any other midnight (on the 1st of March) last weekend, where the next morning I will be having an exam at 10…so I kinda stayed up and do the usual last minute study like most normal students would do…I realized that its already 3 in the morning. At that moment I can barely open my eyes as the reading was torturing me…so, I have decided to take a short nap and wake up in 90 minutes time…and after 90 minutes, I did woke up with the help of me phone alarm...but that was for a few seconds…then in about half an hour later, I woke up again, only this time to the sound of my phone ringing…and I picked up the phone and my sister was on the other end of the phone…she was crying very badly and screaming…and she asked me to come back home at that instance because something was wrong with my mother…my sister mention that my mother had fell down in the toilet while showering…so I did what I had to do…I panicked!! And I put up some of my decent clothes and I went to my roommate’s (Izzy) compartment, and let her know that I was heading home…then I started crying…when Izzy saw me crying, she’d decided to tag along with me…and on my way home, I cried because I was scared that I didn’t know how to deal with all these things if case the worst case scenario happened…and Izzy kept consoling me…at about 20 minutes after that I reached home, and I found my brother standing outside my house and stare at me with the despair face…so, I asked me brother what actually happened…and he tuck his lips tight…I asked again and this time he told me that my mother’s gone…she left us a few minutes ago…I couldn’t take the news like an adult, so I fell and cried hard…my brother walk me into the house and there, I saw my mom lying down covered in “kain batik”. She looked sooooo pale…I just couldn’t believe my eyes that on the mattress was my mom, breathless and her lips are all blue…and my father hugged me and tell me that my mother is gone!!! Forever!!! Tell me if you are a normal person, at that particular point in time, don’t you wish that it’d be better if something else would have happen??…anything at all except this one…I went on crying til noon…my sister just couldn’t accept the fact that my mother is gone to the one and only Allah the Almighty…most of the time I sat next to where my mother was laid…I can’t even look at her every time someone lift the covering on her face…its just soo hard…I still couldn’t accept the fact that she’s gone…later that noon, its time to “mandi jenazah” (bathe her and ablution)…my dad have asked me and my sister to it, but my sister was not strong enough to do that…so, I had and wanted to do it…while I was bathing her…I tried so hard not to cry but its almost as if it was impossible for me to abstain myself from crying…I had wonderful friends who have helped me doing that…and after bathing her, I had to kiss her the last goodbye…and before that, from earlier that morning…I kept telling myself that this is just a bad dream…I have asked my friends to pinch me and tell me that I was only dreaming…but sadly for me, that is never going to happen because it is real…later that night, before going to bed, I hope that the next morning I will wake to my mom’s voice…but I can hardly sleep at night…how is it possible for to wake up the next morning and realize that this was all a dream when I cant’ even sleep at night??? Later the second day, everything that is around me in my house reminds me of my mom….people always told me that I have to let her go so that she would go peacefully…I really do want to do that, but now, at this very moment, I really miss her knowing that I didn’t get the chance to meet her and let her know that I love her and I’m sorry for anything that I’ve done wrong in any way just a few moments before she left…please, if this is a dream, someone please wake me up…faster, because this is not a pleasant dream….and also, this one I have been getting a lot since yesterday…”be strong”…I know that that is what I have to do…but please…tell me how??? Cause its too damn hard…MAMA, I MISSED YOU AND I WILL ALWAYS WILL BECAUSE I LOVE YOU!

dear Beddy, I miss you a lot!!!

right about now, i kinda miss my bed...maybe its because im really exhausted that i have 4 exams back to back...and that is not the best part..the best part is, all of them are during the weekends...it start of with intermediate microeconomics II and followed by public finance and after that its my econometrics test 2 lastly is my usul fiqh II...worst part of all.....i really3 miss my bed!!!!!

A Theory Of Mine About JEALOUSY

What is it about jealousy that gets us all riled up??? at some level, we are annoyed at ourself when we realised that we are feeling jealous...no matter what the cause is. Someone once told me that when we are jealous at someone, it basically means that we want to be that person...in plain english, we are just angry at ourselves...weird??? but i have came to a realisation that every little bit of the statement is in fact, true...personally, i think that we can get jealous of someone else's achievement of happy moments, theres a catch...make sure that the feelings dont stay there for long...but, if you just stay put and to actually do nothing about it...i find that there is no need to feel jealous of someone else...the truth is, that person is in that place because of 2 reasons..first in by chance and the second is thru his/her own effort...so, if by chance...i'd say that this person cannot indulge his/herself in the comfort of luxury because i belief in the greatness of God...and this person should know that life doesn't always revolve around them and at some point, everyone has to experience the "road down the hill"...this person might as well study the road there...if you know what i mean...and for the second reason, which is thru effort...i feel that, we have no right to feel jealous for their achievements...they simply earned it!!! what makes you think that you have every right in the world to be in their place when you don't even shed a single drop of sweat and even worst you dont even put in an ounce of effort??? think about it the next time you find yourself wanting to kill someone because she has something that you don't... so, i would say that its ok to feel jealous of someone but keep in mind that if you hold on to the feelings for soooooo long, it's going to kill you inside and beyond some level, its going to spread externally....its simply a malignant infection people...cheers~

PRE-REG STINX!!!~

i guess this is god's way of telling me this is what you get for cursing people in your blog!! i did not get thru to 3 subjects for this coming short semester and the next full semester!!!!! and i could curse UIA for putting up a lousy online registration system and we (the students) are the ones who have to put up with the freaking lousy online registration system...if you dont have the intelligence to adapt to the system...i heres an advice for you guys..act like you ar in need of intelligence!!! i reaaaallllly think you guys should revise your lousy online system and your finance division as well!!!!~

PLANNING OUR FUTURE along with some noisy scumbags ....ngahahahaha~

well, im at this really noisy cc and theres bunch of noisy chinese boys who just cant stop shouting at each other just because they are highly addicted to this online game...God knows what is the name of the game...yea, just because this place is full of people who you might think cannot open their eyes any bigger...well people, lemme introduce to you...they are the most selfish, annoying, loud and sloppy looking chinese boys who just cant stay at home and get their butt cleaned for once....so anyway, back to the point...im here with my best pals (gurl and nazzy) because we are trying to fight for our future...at 5 pm sharp peeps!!!! well, as for now, i have just get my future planned out...by future, i mean next semester...i dont plan for the long term future...i just like life to surprise me...you can tell that im not the type of person who get things organized...thats me!! this is the part where i dont wish life to surprise me...i'd like to turn out the exact way that i have planned it should be...i think, that i may have to extend my semester here...for a good reason...as we know, the economic is not doing very well now, so, if i got out of my U now, i may have to be an unemployed fresh graduate...by the time im employed, im no longer a fresh graduate...im a rotten graduate...and also, i kinda suffer from a short term memory loss...i dont think i will still remember what have been taught by my lecturers...and the result of that, i might not perform excellently at what im doing...booooohooo~
here's the deal, we (me, gurl and nazzy) will keep our fingers crossed for a while so that we can get thru all the sections of the subjects that we have planned out...because i hate, re-planning....and before i start registering, how i hope that someone will come and shove something down the noisy faggs ass!!!!

FABULOSITY AT ITS BEST!!!~

I really love this one particular style icon…she is superbly fabulous and I like the way she presents herself…well, some of you may think that she is a little too diva for me to adore her, but I don’t really care that much for your opinions here…this is my blog, and I can write whatever the hell I want here and I can like whoever the hell person I feel like adoring…so, as I was saying, the person im referring to is KIMORA LEE SIMMONS…guessed you guys have expected that as I had the word fabulous bold earlier on…so anyways, I really like the way she brings out the best in other people…mostly her workers as I haven’t had the chance to met her in person and im not gonna hold my breath…(as if she had the time to come down all the to Malaysia…and besides, can she stand the heat here???)…so, I can only observe her from he weekly show…the way I see it, she pushes her worker beyond their limitations…on the surface, it might seem a little cruel but if you go a little deeper, you will come to realize that she is actually doing them a huge favor…like in your office or college, your lecturers give you loads of assignments and all you can do is to wonder when and how can I get this done??? That’s not the worst part, the worst part is when they announce the due date…you can hear the music from the “SCREAM” movie…and a scream at the end of the music and that’s when you snap back at reality!!! So, like it or not, you have to get the job done…the difference is, in college, you have to please your lecturers and here, you have to please kimora…*god knows how hard it is to actually please her*…on the due date, you have on your hands the assignments that you are suppose to hand in to you lecturers or kimora…my point here is, the moment a task is being handed out to you…all you did was to second guess yourself and then there you are, all assignments done and feeling fabulous!!!!! These people did a huge favor to you when you are in doubt of yourself….and other than that, she is just soooooo confident with herself…she wears fine jewelleries that actually cost her millions of dollars and she is never apologetic for it…you know why??? Because she earned it with all her hardwork, why do you have to go and bitch about the fact that she weras a million dollar earings??? Get over yourself!!!…she is a living testament of a female fabulous multitasker…and she always gets her job done in 5 inch heels…and this is why I love her….
"I am probably the queen of opulence. I love my jewelry. I love my diamonds. I love my shoes. I have diamond shoes. Some people might prefer more demure look. I like it all out screaming. I don't care."
and I manage to dig a little of her wits and wisdoms…here it is;
· -"If you're shy, get the hell over it: You're slamming the door in your own face."
· -"Be a gold-medal multitasker. You should be able to discuss the new Ludacris video while correcting the merchandising spreadsheets, picking the right shade of snakeskin for next season's mini-purses and catching the dog at the same time!"
· -"In almost any situation, it is far more devastating to keep your icy cool while the other person gets herself in a flush-cheeked, teary-eyed hot mess yelling in your face."
· -"Be stingy with your money! Don't splurge at the mall -- and definitely don't give it to your boyfriend!

THE PRICE OF MY OWN PRIDE

For the past 2 weeks i have been angry with my dad because of his slight mistake that he himself don't even know. I sent a message to him and this is how the text sounded like, "U have no idea how furiously dissapointed i am when u told antimah that i have to repeat 1 paper this semester...its humiliating enough for me to walk around my department and smile but to have you telling her that i have to do it all over again?? do you think i enjoy it? no, but i do it because i messed up and im fixing it...well, guess thats not good enough for you that you had to tell other people about it...i didnt even tell mama that i had to repeat the subject because im embarassed..imagine how'd she feel when someone else and that person is not me?? I realised that you are not happy either bout me repeating the subject, but this is not how i'd expect you to react to it...tell me if it makes you feel unhappy, dont tell her...im the one who have to go thru it, not her, not you...me!!!" well people, i can tell that u must be judging me right about now, most of you will have the impression that im a rude daughter to have sent that kind of message to my own father...and im not saying that you are wrong...i am rude!! and not just that, i punished my dad by not talking to him for 2 weeks i guess...during my angry days, i alienate my dad in his own home...when he sits in the living room, i ran upstairs and slammed the door...when he sits at the dining table, i ran for the tv...and things like that...in simple palin words, i cannot be in the same room with my dad...almost 2 weeks have passed by and i have decided to end my agony by volunteering to say the word "SORRY" myself without having anyone pestering me to do so...i find it weird in a way because, normally when i find myself having a fight with someone, i always told myself that i will never say sorry no matter what happens...i will never downgrade myself by saying sorry..yes, that is how humiliated i feel when i have to surrender to the fight...all my life, you can count with the fingers that you are born with how many times i have said the word "sorry" with my own free will...and when i have expressed my apology to my dad, he gave me a long talk about my pride...he said that if i kept having this attitude, i will never go far in any relationship, even with my own spouse..and of course it got me thinking...it wont kill to hurt my pride, it wont kill to say sorry first...what was i trying to prove to my own father when i have decided to alienate him in his own home??? what did i get in return after i have won the battle?? i get nothing actually...maybe i got my father's dissapointment but it doesnt prove anything to anyone...i have never realised that this is the price i have to pay to keep my my pride up sky high...and i have sworn to myself that i will never have a partner until i do something with my ego...

econometric's 1st test...how prepared am i???

Yea, today is the friday the 30th, and in less than 2 days i will be having an exam...and lemme tell you this, the exam that i will be sitting on this sunday morning is not an easy subject..it is this killer subject that any normal economics student will dread and the otherwise will love it!!! not that luckily for me, i happen to be on the normal side and of course, its going to be even harder for me as im not good with numbers and calculations...in case you were wondering, the subject is called ECONOMETRICS, yeaa...i can see the "????????" floating in your head...happened to me the first time i was in the class, but im getting used to it now...its not that bad actually when you gave in your whole "brain" while in the class...200% concerntration is required in ECON 3110...you are probably wondering, what in the beautiful world am i doing here posting a new blog when i have an exam on sunday morning??? Well, thats the beauty of this day...its raining heavily and i just dont feel like studying at all....kids, parental advisory in very necessary and if you please, dont try this at home or your college or anywhere else for that matter...anyhoo, im just the type of person who can only study at night...im a nocturnal student...well, most of us are...thats just normal if you are a college/university student...i have no idea how does the question is going to look like on the test paper because in the class, we hardly press the calculators considering the fact that this is a major caculation subject...so, im not trying to be ambitious nor negative here, we'll see how does the 1st test works out for me and we'll start judging after i have gotten back my papers with grades written on it...

HAVE FAITH, IT WILL COME...

As of today, im a 3rd year year student doing her bachelor of economics in the International Islamic University of Malaysia. Back then, i can tell you proudly that im still single...but that was then...now, I can just tell you that i still am single...dont get me wrong, im not saying that i hated being single at this point of my life...im still proud of myself but there's this tiny part of me inside who wants to feel the joy of love. I know that i might sound kinda desperate but that is just not it.I have great single friends who have stood by me since we were in our 1st year and we were all soooooo proud to be single. As the years gone by, all my single firends are not so single anymore..and then, theres me, who is still single. People around me kept telling me that i seem sooo carefree and soooo content with where and who i am now. They are partially true...i am just like them in many ways...im a human with a heart pumping like any other normal hearts. Seems to them, my heart must've been pumping in a different beat...some of them even came to me and telling me that i have in a way inspire them in my carefree way..how weird is that??? I do want to keep inspiring them but at the end of the day, i know that i am the one who's going to cry without anyone next to me...and it is going to hurt even more! Well, the truth is...i have loved someone since i was 16...at that time i thought that it was just a normal crush, like the one when you trippped over a stone...little did i know that this was more than just tripping over a stone...he was my classmate and my biology lab partner. We went on being normal friends and classmate..he always ask for my add maths homework...so that he can copy and take credit for it...its a no biggie for me because most of it i copied from a friend too...I only did like 20%-30% of the paper...haha, those good old days...and then in biology class, its a total boredom throughout the class...so, we will kill the time by talking about things and most of it are beyond stupid...but it works tho..soon after i finished my high school a year after that, i thought that i was going to be over him in a few months or maybe after we have obtained our SPM results...the month after the results are out is when i have came to a realisation that this is not just a tripped-over-a-stone crush...this is me falling hard for him!!! Actually, i did not react to that because i was soooo afraid that my feelings for him would ruin our friendship...we went on being friends like normal people for about 6 years or so...in a way, i do want him to know that i do have feelings for him...but i wasnt strong enough to hear what he might say towards my feelings. Then, last year in his 21st birthday (1st of sept) i have decided to tell him..God knows how scared i am at that moment...it took each and every ounce of strength in my body to tell him that i have been having feelings for him for the past 6 years. And i did it...let me tell you the relieve that i felt after that...imagine this, you've been carrying around a huge lorry on your shoulder for 6 good years only this is not on my shoulder and it is waaaaaaayyy heavier than a lorry...a bunch of lorries maybe will do...and he replied to me that he too have had the same feelings for me but there are some unresolved issues of his own that he didnt think us getting together is a good idea...he thinks that he is not good enough for anyone...and not even me...i say that i'd respect that and im only telling this to him because i wanted him to know and not because i was expecting something to happen or establish...after that i have decided that i wont go thru with it anymore...that will be my last conversation with him...but lately, i have been crying myself to sleep thinking of him and sometimes i find myself dialling his number and wanting to talk to him...i just couldnt let that happen because i have a life to get on with...now, i just pray to god that on my convocation day, i want my family to be there and that special someone...the one person who loves me for i am...let him be anyone i told to God...but somehow rather, deep down inside me i hope that, the person is him...the love that i have been holding on for 7 years now since im 22 in 2009 and i will be graduating in 2010 and by then i will be 23...i once read somewhere about having faith in God for the one that you love sooo very deeply...it said, "HAVE FAITH, IT WILL COME"....I just have to believe in God, if He thinks that "he " is the best person for me, there will be no absolute reason for us to not to be together..