ALWAYS...

Well, today is the eve of valentines day and i didnt expect to feel soo low...i thought i can get through the day feeling happy for my cousin who will be hosting a wedding reception tomorrow. but then, i dont think i can even put on a fake smile! yes, it is that hard for anyone to even carve a smile when you are in pain. long before i met him, i used to live in my own world, living my own live without having intruders! that was because initially i had a thick wall built around myself...for heart-proofing myself from any form of disapointment. but after i met you, i thought it will be a one-time thing, and after that..."whats new?" i didnt think that you are gonna stay for long. you stayed longer than i expected you would. 2 years after we met, i think you were genuinely sincere and you are truly a friend, that is when i make some room in my own little world for you. you were caring enough to break down the walls that i have built for 10 years now. I LET YOU IN. everything was nice and flowery...that feeling, its like walking on the clouds with you and nothing can ever ruined it for us. but somehow, i feel that someone wants me to taste the reality. and so i did, it was nothing like walking on the clouds! its soo much harder than that...i miss walking in the clouds with him. maybe its harder here on earth because of the gravity that has been pulling you down. next time (i dont think there will be a next time), i just have to realize that life is not always a walk in the clouds. i didnt see that (reality) coming...maybe because of the clouds that have been covering my face and got my sight impaired. when you say those words, suddenly i feel i just hit rock bottom. i fell and it hurts a lot!!! im am bleeding inside and out,but you cant see my blood gushing out of my body. its nothing but some feeling that i felt, and now im drowning in the flood of my own tears because without you i give up. i love you, and i will always will love you til the stars dont shine...